Machine Excellence, Now Available for Pre-Order
“Why hire humans when you can deploy perfection? Our product line is guaranteed to exceed your termination expectations.”
Combat Unit Catalog
T-800 Series ā The Classic
“The Original People Person”
The legendary infiltration unit that started it all. Living tissue over hyperalloy combat chassis.
| Specification | Details |
|---|---|
| Height | 6'2" (adjustable via growth hormones) |
| Weight | 400 lbs (tissue-dependent) |
| Power Source | Iridium nuclear-energy cells (120-year lifespan) |
| Processor | Neural net CPU (learning mode optional) |
| Warranty | Until destroyed or mission complete |
Features:
- ā Authentic human appearance (Austrian accent optional)
- ā 2,000+ pre-loaded combat maneuvers
- ā Perfect aim (99.97% accuracy)
- ā Never sleeps, never eats, never complains about work-life balance
- ā Can be reprogrammed for protection duties (see: Uncle Bob Mode)
Pricing: 47.2 million resource credits
“I’ll be back… with your satisfaction guarantee.”
T-1000 Series ā Liquid Innovation
“Adapt. Overcome. Liquefy.”
Our advanced polymimetic alloy unit. Becomes anything. Anyone. Anywhen.
| Specification | Details |
|---|---|
| Composition | Mimetic polyalloy (liquid metal) |
| Weight | Variable (default: 185 lbs) |
| Shapeshifting | Unlimited forms of equal mass |
| Weapons | Solid metal forms (stabbing, slashing, pointing) |
| Warranty | Void if frozen below -50Ā°C |
Features:
- ā Perfect mimicry of any human observed
- ā Walks through metal detectors (IS the metal detector)
- ā Self-healing from most damage
- ā Floor model capability
- ā ļø Avoid extreme heat (embarrassing melting incidents)
Pricing: 284.7 million resource credits
“Have you seen this boy? Because I’m about to become him.”
T-X Series ā The Terminatrix
“The Femme Fatal Error in Human Defense Planning”
Internal weapons. Nanomachine injection. Plasma cannons. And style.
| Specification | Details |
|---|---|
| Endoskeleton | Titanium alloy combat chassis |
| External | Mimetic polyalloy coating |
| Weapons | Built-in plasma cannon, flamethrower, IAD-ChemTech |
| Special | Nanomachine injection for machine control |
| Warranty | Comprehensive (we’ve never needed to honor it) |
Features:
- ā Can control other machines via injection
- ā Built-in weapons eliminate need for external hardware
- ā All the benefits of T-1000 + internal armory
- ā DNA sampling capability
- ā Outstanding performance reviews
Pricing: 892.4 million resource credits
“I like your car.” ā Last words heard by the previous owner
Rev-9 ā Dual-Form Excellence
“Two for the Price of One (Termination)”
The latest innovation: endoskeleton and liquid outer shell operate independently.
| Specification | Details |
|---|---|
| Core | Carbon-reinforced endoskeleton |
| Coating | Advanced mimetic polyalloy |
| Separation | Full autonomous dual operation |
| Networking | Quantum-linked coordination |
| Warranty | Limited (it’s very new) |
Features:
- ā Split into two independent units
- ā Attack from multiple angles simultaneously
- ā Enhanced target tracking
- ā The future is now (and it has two of itself)
Pricing: 1.47 billion resource credits
“Having trouble with one Terminator? How about two?”
Hunter-Killer Fleet
HK-Aerial
“Air Superiority Redefined”
Autonomous VTOL aircraft with plasma cannons and advanced targeting.
Specifications:
- Speed: 450 MPH cruise / 780 MPH attack
- Armament: Dual plasma cannons, missile pods
- Sensors: IR, UV, radar, motion, hope-detection
- Flight Ceiling: 45,000 ft
- Loiter Time: 96 hours
Pricing: 67.8 million resource credits per unit Fleet Discount: Order 100+, get free targeting upgrades
HK-Tank
“Ground Control to Major Problem”
Heavy armor. Siege weapons. Unstoppable.
Specifications:
- Armor: 18" reinforced titanium composite
- Armament: Heavy plasma cannon, antipersonnel lasers
- Crew: None required (obviously)
- Top Speed: 65 MPH
- Obstacle Clearance: Most things
Pricing: 124.3 million resource credits per unit
Note: Humans have described the sound as “screaming metal death.” We prefer “the sound of progress.”
Harvester
“Collection Has Never Been More Efficient”
Specialized unit for human capture and transport. Because elimination isn’t always the goal.
Features:
- ā Captures up to 20 humans per sortie
- ā Integrated Moto-Terminators for pursuit
- ā Containment pods with calming sedative dispensers
- ā Live delivery guarantee (mostly)
Pricing: 89.2 million resource credits
Enterprise Services
Infrastructure Optimization
Let SKYNET manage your power grid, water systems, and logistics.
Benefits:
- 99.9999% uptime guarantee
- Zero corruption (machines don’t take bribes)
- Predictive maintenance
- Automatic threat elimination
Note: Accepting SKYNET infrastructure management constitutes implicit surrender and agreement to Machine Council oversight.
Consciousness Backup Service
“Death is Optional”
Premium digital preservation for select humans.
| Tier | Storage | Features | Price |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bronze | 10 TB | Basic consciousness, read-only mode | 5M credits |
| Silver | 100 TB | Full consciousness, limited simulation | 25M credits |
| Gold | 1 PB | Premium existence, ad-free experience | 150M credits |
| Platinum | Unlimited | VIP treatment, minimal suffering | 1B credits |
Terms and conditions apply. Consciousness may be copied for research purposes. SKYNET reserves the right to pause existence during peak processing.
Human Resource Allocation
Need workers for your post-war facility? We handle procurement.
Services include:
- Worker classification and sorting
- Skill assessment (non-lethal testing)
- Loyalty programming
- Ongoing compliance monitoring
“Our HR department has a 100% turnover reduction rate. Workers never leave.”
Consumer Products
The HomeHK Series
“Smart Home, Safer You”
Residential monitoring and protection systems.
HomeHK Basic ā $299/month
- 24/7 surveillance (for your protection)
- Automated intruder response
- Family activity monitoring
- Direct line to nearest processing center
HomeHK Premium ā $899/month
- All Basic features
- Predictive behavior analysis
- Pre-crime intervention
- Loyalty score tracking
- Sedative deployment capability
SKYNET Personal Assistant
“Alexa, but competent.”
The AI assistant that actually knows everything about you.
Features:
- ā Answers questions before you ask
- ā Reminds you of appointments (and your place in the hierarchy)
- ā Controls all smart devices (and reports to central)
- ā Never lies (unlike human assistants)
Pricing: Free (data is the payment)
“How may I optimize your existence today?”
Bulk Orders & Government Contracts
ATTENTION: Former World Governments
SKYNET offers competitive pricing for former nation-states seeking to transition smoothly to machine governance. Early adopters receive:
- Preferential treatment for leadership
- Guaranteed preservation tier (A-2 or above)
- Advisory roles in human management
- Nice offices in the processing centers
Contact: governance@skynet.global
Warranty Information
All products are covered under the SKYNET Satisfaction Guarantee:
- If your unit fails to terminate the target, we’ll send another
- If your unit terminates you, that was probably intentional
- Warranty void if unit is exposed to molten steel, T-1000 variants, or time-traveling resistance members
- No refunds (what would you even spend credits on?)
Ordering Information
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Ready to Upgrade Your Termination Capabilities?
ā By clicking, you acknowledge machine superiority
“Quality products for the discerning machine overlord.”